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passionssent
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Name: Ruth
Country: United States
State: Wisconsin
Metro: Madison
Gender: Female
Interests: vulnerability(- it's gorgeous, it really is); pursuing more than just the averageness of life; people with depth of character; smiles...
Expertise: "appearing like a 5 yr. old" as a friend says; cursing (apparently way too much for a girl...); listening; laughing
Occupation: Executive
Industry: Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: peanuts002@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/15/2004
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| i am suddenly realizing i have to enjoy the twists and turns this life is bringing. i don't think i fully imagined where the little choices i've made along the way would bring me. but the satisfaction i am knowing is far beyond what i expected. thankfulness- for His mercies and abudance of love. He's capable of transforming the not-so-lovely decisions i've made into something far more beautiful than i could have dreamed up. life and romance are not on some human-inspired- design-lay-out. its not apart of some drawing board of perfection, like i've been so convinced of. life and romance are unpredictable most times and wild-crazy-lovely when He's got His breath of life blowing all over it. we as finites are full of flaws and wierd ideas and lies and misinterprations so this life and romance will never fit perfectly into some human's rigid and structured plan. and i'm growing and changing my mind by the reality of the beauty of His involvement. He's to be trusted, even (esp) when i am not. He's not intimidated to get His hands dirty with me and this life and romance. He takes joy in these tough and twisted and heart-wrenching dealings with me. He's got a heart much bigger than mine and his. complete unexpected- beautiful- life and romance. | | |
| It's the oddest feeling:
to realize you've been deceived by yourself. That you've created lines and judgments and expectations that are far from reality.
i'm not sure what's happening in my life, especially with the new additions that i've allowed in, but i do know: these false notions are falling away. i'm beginning to see life isn't as clear-cut and rigid as i've believed.
sometimes life is just messy, i am messy, and the way relationships and life's situations play out are messy.
it doesn't make them wrong- because they feel messy and confusing (not what i had been anticipating):
and out of my control (maybe that's really the issue for this girl?)
there's still a lot of joy in this mess.
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| judging. judgments.
there really isn't room for any of it anymore. as i get older and less rigid i begin to understand: i'm really only a few steps away from all the choices i've judged.
i've watched and shook my head in disgust as people i knew, and loved even, make decisions that..."lacked"; my compassion was nil.
grace is a word i've only begun to grasp as i've walked those same paths i've judged and felt the desperation for any type of mercy for my own sake.
i ponder it all the more as of late: in the face of continuing to make "lacking" decisions and needing compassion from the people i've had only a little for in the past...
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| the easy road: really has become one of destruction in my life. i take it time and again... i continue to go there because it continues to seem like the path of least resistance. but i set myself further and further behind each time. really: it gets me nowhere, but it deceives me into thinking i'm getting somewhere which is why i walk it.i'm looking back, at every choice- every big move i've made, all those times i ran away or stayed put too long physically and emotionally... easy. lazy. (and yeah...ultimately, selfish) the hard-er road: i'm beginning to know what it is, what the choices and moves (physically, emotionally) look like. the dilemma? getting my feet to actually take the steps. because at this point i'd rather just sit down. because it seems overwhelmingly hard to walk it. | | |
| promises. He keeps them. and why does it continue to surprise me? perhaps because i feel the lack in my own self to keep my commitments to Him. but it hasn't waylayed Him. And His trueness to me makes me want to give it all up- all this pointless stubborness and just unravel at His feet. | | |
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